Wow, has it been a busy week, or what? Lots of babies, lots of postpartum visits, lots of pregnant mamas! It is fabulous, though, really! I am glad to have a day finally to catch up on things around the house and to maybe get to some projects that I have been wanting to start.

I finished the soakers, and totally spaced on taking a picture of them before I gave them to my friend! They were very cute, though. I made an I-cord for the drawstring. I can now get back to work on my socks, which have been very patiently waiting. I really want to figure out a simple pattern to make a little bag (felted) for my doppler. I am still trying to figure out the whole ‘felting’ thing, as far as how much to expect something to shrink, etc. I think it is time for some experimenting.

The sun is shining beautifully today…HORRAY!!! Our baby tomato and bell pepper seeds are starting to poke through the dirt in the kitchen window. I need to get outside and plant some more seeds. Nothing fancy, though, as we don’t really have a garden here. We could rip out some grass, but I think that will wait for next summer, and in the mean time, we will plant in the perimeter where there is bare dirt. I have a bunch of flower seeds, and some salad mix seeds. We will see how they do.

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Well, I started this post last night, and never got a chance to finish it. That happens a lot for me! I think today will be spent digging in the dirt a little and walking around downtown, getting to know our new city a little better. I am anxiously awaiting my moon to show up, anyday now. I have always been one to celebrate my moon arriving. Well, not ALWAYS! But, for the last 7 or years now. I can’t know for sure, but I personally think that the combination of ditching the disposable menstrual products for cloth pads (and a keeper now) along with embracing my cycle (not dreading it or complaining about it) have eliminated my cramps. The only time I have any physical discomfort during my moon now is when I am over-extending myself, and not taking it easy. But, as soon as I become more mind-full and draw my attention back inside of myself, the “pain” disappears. So, for now, my mantra is, “let it flow”, patiently waiting.

Well, as suspected the mom that was ready to go any day had her baby early yesterday morning! She had a sweet, sweet baby girl. The strength and perseverance of this mama really touched me. After about 5 hours of pushing at home, and discovering hematoma on the baby’s head, mom was ok with transferring and we hoped that perhaps the CNM at the local country hospital (20 minutes away) would have some ideas. Instead, when we arrived, they just preped her for a c-sect. They didn’t even want to check her vaginally. Her baby sounded great, very healthy. Baby girl was born at about 2:30am via cesarean section. She was posterior and asynclitic. They had to reach up and push her up vaginally a bit, she was so wedged in there, and there were bruises on her back from the doctors trying to lift her out of the uterus. Apparently, the incision tore down into her cervix from their efforts to pull the baby out. Baby was very healthy and the mom was in her room with her baby very soon.

The hospital was very respectful, very welcoming to all of us. They have ‘rooming in’ and encourage breastfeeding (they got the baby latched on within 1 hour!).

I am sad to see such a conclusion to her birth, but I don’t believe in accidents. For some reason, this was the path of this baby and mama. This mama’s strength and beauty is awe-inspiring!

I have been busy reading lots and lots about Optimal Foetal Positioning. I feel like we tried everything we could to get her baby to turn into a better position. But, the way that it unfolded was the way it was to happen (proven by the fact that it DID happen that way). Still, I want to learn as much as I can about OFP. Heck, I could have used the information during my pregnancy/labor to help make it a smoother experience (or, so I like to think). But, my little guy came out to this world exactly as he needed to. There are no accidents, imo.

I have been falling behind big time with housecleaning. Not that anybody minds with the exception of ME!! When the house starts getting cluttered and messy, I am short-tempered and can’t think clearly. Odd, I know. So, my plans to be gone all day today got cancelled last night, and I spent the day doing a bit of spring cleaning. Spring!! I am so so happy to welcome Spring!

Our house that we live in is a rental, and has the most horrible carpet. Eeww!!! I almost can’t even stand walking on it barefoot, but I am particular about my feet. Anyways, it has (what looks like) a pretty nice wood floor underneath, and I have been trying to get W to talk the owners into letting us tear out the carpet (at least the worst of it). The owners are worried that we may not like the wood floor once we have the carpet out. The only thing I can think about is that maybe the floor has a horrible stain that is hiding…but even then, I would rather just throw a rug over it then have this carpet! It has been cleaned, so that didn’t help it much at all. I don’t even like R to sit on it while he plays. Now that the weather is warming up, I am ready to do some “carpet-pulling”, let me tell you!

As we speak, I have a batch of (vegan) Carob Brownies in the oven….mmmmmm, I can’t wait to taste them! They are from the Vegetarian Mother’s Cookbook, one of my all-time favorite cookbook!!! R. is longing to go to the park right now, but I am exhausted and it is almost dinner time so he will have to wait for tomorrow. I will be gone for most of tomorrow to a friend’s baby shower so R will get to spend the day with his Dad, brother and Grandma. He will have LOTS of outside time with them tomorrow, they may even head out to the state park and run around, the weather looks so nice!

We have a first time mama who is a week past her “due” date. She said she had some serious contractions and bloody show last night, so it may be tonight or the next!

I have to get busy tonight finishing up the soakers for my friend so it will be ready for her shower tomorrow. I am almost done, only need about another inch or 2 on the legs (I decided to make them pants) and then a drawstring.

Whew, I am worn out with all the writing I did yesterday! 3 entries in one day!

We had a surprise guest arrive this morning. W’s oldest brother is here. We didn’t even know he was in the country!! We got a call last night from another brother of his that this brother was on the greyhound bus and would be here at 9am. Well!! How’s that for notice? Haha!!!

We aren’t sure how long he will be staying. I think W. is glad to get to spend some time with one of his brothers, though…

Everyday is a new adventure, isn’t it?

I have been busy knitting.

First up, we have a pair of pants (or shorts…I can’t decide). They are for my friend who is due with her first baby in June. I am just so excited for her! Her baby shower is in about a week, so I am knitting as fast as I can! I am knitting both legs at the same time on one long needle with the magic loop method.

Next up, we have a sock that I am working on. Those are size 1 needles. Tiny!! But, I really like how the pattern is turning out.

Hopefully I will be happy enough with the finish first sock that I will want to make it a mate!

W’s niece is pregnant with her first baby. She lives in Colorado and is due sometime in June. We talked to her today and she said that she wants to have her baby at home, but isn’t sure exactly how. She also said that she has been thinking of a waterbirth. Up until now, she has just been going to a clinic for prenatals. She doesn’t like the idea of strangers at her birth or her baby being taken away from her. She was present a few years ago when her 2 little brothers were born (2 separate occasions) so she knows what it is like in the hospital.

Of course W volunteered me to fly out there to help her have her baby at home, not in the role of a midwife, but more in the role of someone who has done it before. She said she would like that very much. I asked why they don’t just find a midwife out there who will support her, and he said that she wants to have someone there that she feels comfortable with already. I have no problem going, and in fact I would love to see her have a birth that isn’t messed with. But, I don’t think it is as easy as me hoping on a plane. They would need to buy us 2 plane tickets (as R is now over 2, and can’t fly for free). We would be guessing as to when I should arrive, as you never know when the baby will come. She will feel lots of pressure to give birth before my return ticket date (which isn’t conductive to starting labor at all). I would have to spend a week or two staying with W’s family with R in tow. We have VERY different parenting philosophies and so many other things…I just don’t know how that would work for that long of a time. AND, I would be gone long enough that I would probably miss some births here…something that doesn’t make me happy at all.

I offered for her to come and stay a month here with us…which would be fine. We have a spare room and a bed. But, she would have to drive (about 22 hours), due to legal circumstances, and she will no doubt want her mom with her during her labor, and her mom can’t take off of work for that long or leave her younger children. So, we really are in a tight spot. I don’t know what to do.

As far as I can tell, the only option I see happening other than the hospital is they either do it UC (which I don’t think they will, esp as she lives at home with her parents and her dad would have a lot of anxiety with her doing that) or they hire a midwife or doula out there to be there. They live in an area where there are a handful of midwives.

It is frustrating for me, though. I just know what will happen to her in the hospital. She will be lucky if she leaves with a c-section. But, I don’t know if I am in a place to help her avoid that. I think that if she wants to stay home, she is going to have to find someone out there, or come out here. It’s that simple.

Sometimes I am upset that we moved here. Like today, for example. Personally, I consider access to the library about as much of a human right as free speech. I have been waiting dutifully for my proof of address in the mail so I could go down to the library and get a new library card. Well, as it turns out, technically we live outside of city limits (though we are still very much in the city), so we don’t qualify for a regular library card. All we can get is a “basic” card which allows me to check out 1 item at a time. If I want a real library card, it is $60/per year. Ouch!

The library is central to our family. We don’t have TV. We *like* to read. It isn’t uncommon for us to go to the library once or twice a week, and each visit haul back home 10-12 books. Sure, I may not read every page of every book, but I read parts of each book, sometimes the whole book if it is a good one.

I was almost in tears as I walked away from the information desk at the library. It felt like I had just been told that I couldn’t get water service to our house. Yes, it is that essential to our family!

It really is sad. We live in the state capitol. I think that it is a big statement about the state’s priorities that not all residents of the capitol can have free access to books. I keep thinking about all the people in my neighborhood who are without a library card if they can’t afford to pay $60.

I did ask if there was a library for our area. No. Of course not. I wanted to ask the lady, “Well, what exactly are we expected to do?” But I know it isn’t her fault, she doesn’t make the decisions. We do pay city taxes though, so I have to find some numbers of who to call and make a formal complaint. It may not do anything, but it is the least I can do.

Last night, a beautiful baby boy was born! I had the honor of being present and serving the mother however she needed me to. It was my first birth as the “assistant midwife”. It was just great. Woman’s strength is awe inspiring, everytime! It was her 3rd baby, 2nd born at home. She is Russian, and I thought how fitting it was that my first birth that I attend on my path to midwifery is with a Russian family (I have always felt like Russia is my ‘motherland’ and have always dreamed of returning and living there).

R. did really, really well with me gone!! I left him during his nap in the middle of the day, and returned around midnight, and he had just gone to sleep. He struggled a little with falling asleep without nursing, but it went just fine. I am so thrilled!!! Yipee!!!!

We have one first-time mom due “anyday” and that is it for April due dates (though there are some early May dates, and those could birth early, of course).

I had such a hard time really sleeping last night, I was too excited. I was very tired, but my mind was just jumping up and down all night, the excitment was too much!!

I am at peace.

I have been in a general funk lately. Really, for the past month. I have been worrying and stressed about EVERYTHING you could imagine. I am generally a pretty laid back person, not letting everyday stresses get to me, and overall calm in the face of chaos.

Well, I don’t know what has happened. I feel like my whole center has been jolted off course. I can’t seem to unwind. Lately, the world has seemed to me a never-ending line of stressers, one after the other.

I recognize that life has always been like this, but I have suddenly felt incapacitated to handle any of it.

Today, finally, I feel like the clouds are lifting. I am not so sure what has changed. Maybe it was finally going today to chat with a friend that is going through a lot of what I am right now. Maybe it is finding a good childcare person for my son (Thank you!!!!). Maybe it is finally having my first day of prenatals scheduled and written in my daybook (as in, this IS really going to happen). Maybe it was the yoga I did last night (which I haven’t done for months!!).

I don’t know. All I know is that today, I feel like I can really do this, I can really handle life, without having a breakdown. That I will NEVER get ‘it’ (whatever ‘it’ is at the moment) 100% done, that it is impossible to do everything all the time…and THAT’S OK! It sure does feel nice to breathe easier now.

Maybe it is the fact that the sun REALLY is out today! It is so beautiful outside, sunny, blue skies, breezy. Gorgeous!

Anyway I look at it, the clouds are gone.